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I wanted his death. Ihad killed so many great and powerful warriors, I had killed ogres andgiants, and I had killed a bull at full charge. It seemed to me thatdispatching this sleeping fellow should be a simple, or even a somewhattrivial task, notwithstanding that the consequences of killing a kingcould be significant. I took his dagger and held it over him to plungeit in his chest, but as I looked on him I was compelled to stroke andcaress him instead. I sat astride of him, closed my eyes, grabbed thedagger with both hands to bring it down upon him, but my mind wasplaying images of him lying there and I could not act. I collapsed onthe bed next to him and my absent minded stroking of his body brought meto another orgasm. I was absolutely defeated.I didn't know how to make sense of what had just happened to me. I hadjust experienced the most complete physical bliss, but what it stoodfor, what it meant was deeply troubling. To be the loved one rather thanthe lover, to be a woman, was. .. can you, help me with them? One thing though, I will not be a subject for your research, doctor. Not now, not ever. If that is a deal breaker, I will find another doctor.” I told her, getting ready to stand.She waved both hands, looking almost panicked. “No, please, Jack. Let me help. I would never use you as a research subject without your approval and even then, I would never be allowed to publish anything with identifying information, it would be a violation of my ethics, of the rules of my vocation!”She seemed sincere, and Rene did recommend her, so I settled back in to my seat.“Well. Jack, I have to say, we have already covered more than I had planned for and the session has barely begun! If you can, tell me why you are here.”I explained that recent questions by a classmate made me start to think about why I wasn’t like the others at school, the ones I considered my friends. I was almost asexual in response to other people. I even told her about how any real attempt to force.
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